‘Going down’, ‘deepthroat’, ‘blowjob’, ‘fellatio’… there are many names for oral sex. But what is oral sex? And what risks does it pose?
Whether you’re thinking about trying oral sex for the first time or just want some additional information – read on for some tips on how to have oral sex safely and pleasurably, plus answers to some of the most common questions.
What is oral sex?
Oral sex involves using the mouth and tongue to stimulate the genital or anal area of partners.
Oral sex can be a great way to discover new pleasures together with your partner, but the decision to try it is very personal – not everyone likes it and not everyone tries it!
As with any other type of sex, it is important that both people want to do it.
Important tips for oral sex
A lot has been written about how to perform oral sex in the best way. But the truth is that things work differently for each person.
There are a variety of ways to lick, suck, or stimulate – each person has different ways they would like to receive or give oral sex. Keep in mind that it may take some time to understand what exactly pleases your partner.
You might feel excited before having oral sex – whether you’re giving or receiving. The best thing is to communicate constantly with your partner. Ask them to tell you when it feels good and do the same.
If you feel good and comfortable with the person you’re with, then oral sex can be a great way to physically connect with each other and find out what excites you. But remember that you can interrupt or stop at any time you want, and this applies to your partner as well. Just because you’ve started something doesn’t mean you have to continue – stopping is very normal.
How to give oral sex to a man?
You can perform oral sex on a man, whether his penis is erect or not. It’s a good idea to use your hand to touch him before actually starting oral sex.
If you’re not sure how much you want it to go into your mouth, use your thumb and index finger to make a ring around his penis, stopping it as low as you want. You can continue to slowly move your fingers down until you reach the point where you feel it’s deep enough inside your mouth.
Many men find oral sex (also known as a “blowjob”) extremely exciting, so start slowly and gently and move towards a faster rhythm. You can experiment with different movements of the tongue, mouth, and head to see what works best (but don’t use your teeth unless asked!).
Even if you decide to give a man oral sex, that doesn’t mean you have to let him ejaculate in your mouth – you choose. Of course, if he’s wearing a condom, that won’t be a problem, and besides, this way, you’ll be protected against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Also, it’s entirely up to you how long you’ll continue.
How to give oral sex to a woman?
Usually, it’s a good idea to start with kisses and touches before giving oral sex to a woman. Explore the upper thighs and the area around the vagina slowly to help her get excited.
The most sensitive part of the vagina is the clitoris, which has over 8,000 nerve endings. But the entire pelvic area is very sensitive. Gently part the outer labia and look for the vaginal opening and clitoris, which is just above it.
Start slowly, using your tongue to make slow movements, then gradually increase the intensity. You can experiment by creating different patterns with your tongue and try different rhythms – being attentive to the signs your partner gives you to find out what she likes the most.
How to perform anal-oral sex (rimming)?
Oral sex at the level of your partner’s anus (also known as anilingus or rimming) can be part of any sexual relationship, whether you’re gay, bisexual, or heterosexual.
If you’re concerned about hygiene, ask your partner to wash with water and soap beforehand. You could also take a bath/shower together as part of the foreplay.
You can start by gently kissing and touching the area around the anus, including the perineum (the area between the genitals and anus). Then you can orient yourself towards the anus, forming circles with your tongue around the outer part and eventually inserting your tongue.
You can lick, suck, gently bite – being attentive to the signs your partner gives you.
If you’re giving it to a woman, don’t go from anus to vagina, as this could transfer bacteria, causing infections.
Can I get HIV or another STI through oral sex?
The risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex is very low. The main risks occur if the person receiving oral sex has an STI or a wound in the genital area, or if the person giving oral sex has wounds or bleeding in the mouth or gums.
However, other STIs, such as herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis, can be transmitted through oral sex. And some infections caused by bacteria or viruses can be transmitted through anal-oral sex, such as hepatitis A or E. coli.
Infections can be transmitted through oral sex even if there are no obvious signs or symptoms of infection (e.g., wounds). Certainly, you should avoid having oral sex if either of you has wounds around the mouth, penis, anus, or vagina. These could be a sign of an infection, so they should be examined by a doctor.
Using a condom or a dental dam (a thin, soft latex/rubber square that covers the vagina or anus) will protect you from most sexually transmitted infections. If you don’t have a dental dam, you can make one by cutting a condom lengthwise from bottom to top, forming a piece of material, like a square, that can be used as a dental dam.
Knowing that you have additional protection provided by a condom will make you feel more liberated and less inhibited during oral sex.
Talk to your partner about protection before starting oral sex to make things go smoothly. This can be embarrassing, but it’s an important part of sexual relationships, and if you find it too difficult to discuss, it could be a sign that you’re not yet ready for oral sex.
Should I have oral sex?
Starting to have oral sex is an important decision, and it’s essential that you and your partner are ready to explore it.
Whether you’re giving or receiving oral sex, no one should do it out of obligation.
Boundaries like ‘it doesn’t mean we had sex – you’re still a virgin’ or ‘if you don’t want to have sex, then at least you could give me oral’ or ‘it’s not as risky as sex’ all suggest pressure and coercion. Remember that oral sex should be enjoyable for both of you. If a person does it because they feel pressured, they may later feel a repulsion toward the entire experience.
The decision to have oral sex is a very personal one. The main things to consider are whether you feel good and whether you and your partner are sure you want it.